My stepson’s Mother is a real piece of work. If you follow my Instagram page (@stepmomquotes), you kind of get a sense of some of the stuff we deal with. She goes through waves of personalities (yes, she can occasionally be cordial with us,) but most of the time she is bitter, jealous, and angry with us about something. This takes me back to the year we went through with her where she actually tried convincing my husband to leave his son’s life.
When my stepson was little, and crazy about his Dad, his Mom was plotting to get my husband out of his life. My stepson has always loved his Dad and they have a true bond. But when he was little, the excitement every time my husband picked him up was heart warming. Still to this day, I cannot understand how Bio-Mom could see her son light up upon visits with his Dad and still want to take that away from him.
I remember listening into the conversation. My husband and I were only about a year into our relationship. Bio-Mom did not like that my husband had started to bring me around his son. So she called to have a conversation with him about it. In her scheming ways, she tried to warm him up to the conversation by asking nice questions about me. She asked him if we were happy, what our goals were together, and other personal questions about our relationship. He started telling her how we met, how happy we are, and that we plan to be in it for the long run. It was then that she tried convincing him to give up his son for me so that she could raise him the way that she always dreamed of raising her children.
Yes. She actually proposed the idea to my husband that if he gave up rights to my stepson, that he could start a life and a family with me. She told him that it was always her dream to be a single Mom. She wanted to raise her children on her own “just like her Mom raised her on her own.” She told my husband how she respected how her own Mother was able to raise her and her siblings on her own and that is the life she wants for her children as well (she has another child from another Father as well.) My husband simply told her that will never happen, ended the phone call, spent about six months without seeing his child (she revoked their verbal agreement of visitation) and we filed for custody in court (that is for another blog…)
I have learned much more about this fantasy Bio-Mom has over my years of knowing her and putting up with her. Bio-Mom works a minimum wage job with part time hours. She never graduated high school and has no degree. She brags on social media about having an EBT card and other benefits from the state. She made sure with each of her children that it was in the court orders that she be able to claim her children at tax time every single year. Bio-Mom was taught by her own Mother how to work the system. She is able to work part-time, making less then $10 an hour because her benefits from the state, child support, and tax returns make up the difference. She probably makes more then I do by the time you add it all up. It frustrates me to no end that this is a cycle she is continuing. It frustrates me even more that she actually speaks this into existence as the life she wants to live. She has a daughter from another father (not my husband’s child) and it breaks my heart that this cycle is going to be carried on again. She works the system, uses and abuses the men who get her pregnant, and hurts her children in the mean time.
What kind of sick parent lives with a fantasy of being a single parent? Why would you want to rid your child of someone they love to satisfy your own selfish desires? I think many Bio-Moms believe when their children are small that whatever they do will not affect them when they get older. As long as the damage is done when they are small, they can be trained to be the way Bio-Mom dreamed when they get older. This is far from the truth with my stepson. We had to fight for months and months to get court-ordered custody and visitation of my stepson. We still to this day have to correct things he comes to us asking about that his Mom tells him. Her selfishness affects more then just my husband and I. She does not, and never will realize the damage it does to my stepson. So many people have told me “wait until he gets older and can decide for himself.” While that does give me hope that someday my stepson will learn the truth on his own, it also worries me of what kind of effects it will have on him later in life.
While I feel less and less alone every time I hit “publish” on a blog post and get a world of support and encouragement in return, I wish I got that same support and encouragement more in “real life.” So many of my stepmom journey and the drama that my stepson’s Mother brings to the table is hard to talk to my friends and family about. It is hard to hear the opinion of someone who has never walked in the shoes I am in (and somehow everyone has an opinion.) I also worry people might think I am crazy for still sticking around after the headaches Bio-Mom causes our family. If they knew half of what she does, and the fact that I put up with, they might want to place me on a 5150 hold just to make sure I am sane (LOL!)
Have any of you dealt with a Bio-Mom who dreams of being a single mom? Has your husband ever been asked to voluntarily leave his child’s life? I would love to know your story and how you and your husband dealt with it. Please feel free to leave me a comment. And as always, Please click “Follow” and thank you for supporting my journey!