Bio-Mom’s Single Mom Fantasy

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My stepson’s Mother is a real piece of work.  If you follow my Instagram page (@stepmomquotes), you kind of get a sense of some of the stuff we deal with.  She goes through waves of personalities (yes, she can occasionally be cordial with us,) but most of the time she is bitter, jealous, and angry with us about something.  This takes me back to the year we went through with her where she actually tried convincing my husband to leave his son’s life.

When my stepson was little, and crazy about his Dad, his Mom was plotting to get my husband out of his life.  My stepson has always loved his Dad and they have a true bond.  But when he was little, the excitement every time my husband picked him up was heart warming.  Still to this day, I cannot understand how Bio-Mom could see her son light up upon visits with his Dad and still want to take that away from him.

I remember listening into the conversation.  My husband and I were only about a year into our relationship.  Bio-Mom did not like that my husband had started to bring me around his son.  So she called to have a conversation with him about it.  In her scheming ways, she tried to warm him up to the conversation by asking nice questions about me.  She asked him if we were happy, what our goals were together, and other personal questions about our relationship.  He started telling her how we met, how happy we are, and that we plan to be in it for the long run.  It was then that she tried convincing him to give up his son for me so that she could raise him the way that she always dreamed of raising her children.

Yes.  She actually proposed the idea to my husband that if he gave up rights to my stepson, that he could start a life and a family with me.  She told him that it was always her dream to be a single Mom.  She wanted to raise her children on her own “just like her Mom raised her on her own.”  She told my husband how she respected how her own Mother was able to raise her and her siblings on her own and that is the life she wants for her children as well (she has another child from another Father as well.)  My husband simply told her that will never happen, ended the phone call, spent about six months without seeing his child (she revoked their verbal agreement of visitation) and we filed for custody in court (that is for another blog…)

I have learned much more about this fantasy Bio-Mom has over my years of knowing her and putting up with her.  Bio-Mom works a minimum wage job with part time hours.  She never graduated high school and has no degree.  She brags on social media about having an EBT card and other benefits from the state.  She made sure with each of her children that it was in the court orders that she be able to claim her children at tax time every single year.  Bio-Mom was taught by her own Mother how to work the system.  She is able to work part-time, making less then $10 an hour because her benefits from the state, child support, and tax returns make up the difference.  She probably makes more then I do by the time you add it all up.  It frustrates me to no end that this is a cycle she is continuing.  It frustrates me even more that she actually speaks this into existence as the life she wants to live.  She has a daughter from another father (not my husband’s child) and it breaks my heart that this cycle is going to be carried on again.  She works the system, uses and abuses the men who get her pregnant, and hurts her children in the mean time.

What kind of sick parent lives with a fantasy of being a single parent?  Why would you want to rid your child of someone they love to satisfy your own selfish desires?  I think many Bio-Moms believe when their children are small that whatever they do will not affect them when they get older. As long as the damage is done when they are small, they can be trained to be the way Bio-Mom dreamed when they get older.  This is far from the truth with my stepson.  We had to fight for months and months to get court-ordered custody and visitation of my stepson.  We still to this day have to correct things he comes to us asking about that his Mom tells him.  Her selfishness affects more then just my husband and I.  She does not, and never will realize the damage it does to my stepson.  So many people have told me “wait until he gets older and can decide for himself.”  While that does give me hope that someday my stepson will learn the truth on his own, it also worries me of what kind of effects it will have on him later in life.

While I feel less and less alone every time I hit “publish” on a blog post and get a world of support and encouragement in return, I wish I got that same support and encouragement more in “real life.”  So many of my stepmom journey and the drama that my stepson’s Mother brings to the table is hard to talk to my friends and family about.  It is hard to hear the opinion of someone who has never walked in the shoes I am in (and somehow everyone has an opinion.)  I also worry people might think I am crazy for still sticking around after the headaches Bio-Mom causes our family.  If they knew half of what she does, and the fact that I put up with, they might want to place me on a 5150 hold just to make sure I am sane (LOL!)

Have any of you dealt with a Bio-Mom who dreams of being a single mom?  Has your husband ever been asked to voluntarily leave his child’s life?  I would love to know your story and how you and your husband dealt with it.  Please feel free to leave me a comment.  And as always, Please click “Follow” and thank you for supporting my journey!

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6 thoughts on “Bio-Mom’s Single Mom Fantasy

  1. Kylie gervacio says:

    Im also a step mom of a 6 year old, i never realized how luck i am to have my step mom to talk to about the things she puts our family through. My step son have speech development problems including a studder she never once has shown up for a parent teacher conference or meeting with his pathologist. She only has to pay 72 a month in child support and has yet to pay because “she shouldnt have to pay him(my husband) to take care of his child” she is hardly a mother to him…i love reading your blogsand following you on insta keep talking, your voice is strong. ❤

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  2. Linda says:

    I just found out that the bio mom leaves my step daughters teddybears in the sun room, since she can smell the “smoke” from our fireplace. My step daughter was upset that she doesn’t get to sleep with the teddy from her dad’s house for 9 days, but what really made her sad was she couldn’t figure out who to believe and what to think.
    She is 7 years old! She should not have to worry about things like that.
    There could have been a simple solution to this: if they really do smell, then wash the teddies, or ask if we’ll do it. Put them in the freezer for an hour….send them to the moon and back, but let the girl sleep with her teddies!
    This is really a 1st world problem, right?
    Here we have two parents, healthy, good families, good educations and both families are stable. Why would you invent the problems instead of working together? I am at a loss and I know the next many years will be like this.
    And yes, why stay? It’s really not my problem, right?
    And that is where you’re wrong, all you people who shake your head at this: because my little family is worth it, this little girl has my heart, I gave it to her and she has given me her’s. You don’t leave that behind.
    So dad and me, we keep sticking up, because that is what we do….for love.

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  3. Dawn says:

    My boyfriend’s daughter is 4 years old and her BM asked my boyfriend to sign away his rights or to leave me. When he refused to do both she took his daughter and wouldn’t allow us any contact with her for 6 months (This included her 4th birthday). We had to go to court and get 50/50 custody (thankfully we had an amazing attorney) and she still tries to play me and my boyfriend against each other.

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  4. Dawn says:

    My boyfriend’s daughter is 4 years old and her BM asked my boyfriend to sign away his rights or to leave me. When he refused to do both she took his daughter and wouldn’t allow us any contact with her for 6 months (This included her 4th birthday). We had to go to court and get 50/50 custody (thankfully we had an amazing attorney) and she still tries to play me and my boyfriend against each other

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  5. Rw says:

    Hi, my situation is a little more complicated.
    My husband had a 1 night stand with a woman 6 months before I met him.She soon contacted him that she was pregnant and it might be his or another mans.He met with her and she let him know she slept with both of them in the same week, but she hopes it is his.
    He wanted to get a dna test but she did not want an in the womb test.she continued to let him know the due date and when the child was born even asked him to come to the birth and be a part of his child life…all without the DNA test. Over the past 2 years she has filed for child support pulled the child support back and then text him to let him know she is truly hurt he didn’t try to have a relationship with him and he found someone else and is marrying them. She has also said she is the mother and has the right to make decisions about a dna test but that he had his chance to get to know the kid.
    Now she needs the financial support, doesn’t want to do a court approved facility for a dna test.she wants to keep everything outside of the court.She still continues to let us know SHE is the mother and SHE makes dna test decisions for HER daughter.
    We have decided to tell her we only want to do this all through the court.I am just waiting for her to explode in anger.I feel bad for the child and what it will go through if the child is his and this is how she continues to think.

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